All Too Well

I made a decision today that changes how I view everything. . . Part of me feels good. Part of me is alright. . . but I'm not okay. It was the scariest thing I've ever done. . . and I'm honestly not sure why this had to happen like this. 

Here's the lyrics to Taylor Swift's song "All Too Well", which completely describes how I feel. 




I walked through the door with you, the air was cold
But something about it felt like home somehow.
And I left my scarf there at your sister's house
And you still got it in your drawer even now.

Oh, your sweet disposition and my wide-eyed gaze
We're singing in the car getting lost upstate
Autumn leaves falling down like pieces into place
And I can picture it after all these days

And I know it's long gone
And that magic's not here no more
And I might be okay
But I'm not fine at all

'Cause there we are again on that little town street.
You almost ran the red 'cause you were looking over me.
Wind in my hair, I was there, I remember it all too well.

Photo album on the counter, your cheeks were turning red
You used to be a little kid with glasses in a twin-size bed
Your mother's telling stories about you on the tee ball team
You tell me about your past, thinking your future was me

And I know it's long gone
And there was nothing else I could do
And I forget about you long enough
To forget why I needed to

'Cause there we are again, in the middle of the night
We dance around the kitchen in the refrigerator light
Down the stairs, I was there, I remember it all too well, yeah

Maybe we got lost in translation, maybe I asked for too much
And maybe this thing was a masterpiece 'til you tore it all up
Running scared, I was there, I remember it all too well

And you call me up again just to break me like a promise
So casually cruel in the name of being honest
I'm a crumpled up piece of paper lying here
'Cause I remember it all, all, all too well

Time won't fly, it's like I'm paralyzed by it
I'd like to be my old self again, but I'm still trying to find it
After plaid shirt days and nights when you made me your own
Now you mail back my things and I walk home alone

But you keep my old scarf from that very first week
'Cause it reminds you of innocence and it smells like me
You can't get rid of it 'cause you remember it all too well, yeah

'Cause there we are again, when I loved you so
Back before you lost the one real thing you've ever known
It was rare, I was there, I remember it all too well

Wind in my hair, you were there, you remember it all
Down the stairs, you were there, you remember it all
It was rare, I was there, I remember it all too well

Everything Has Changed

All my walls stood tall painted blue
And I'll take them down, take them down and open up the door for you
And all I feel in my stomach is butterflies
The beautiful kind, making up for lost time,
Taking flight, making me feel like

I just wanna know you better know you better know you better now
I just wanna know you better know you better know you better now
I just wanna know you better know you better know you better now
I just wanna know you know you know you

'Cause all I know is we said "Hello"
And your eyes look like coming home
All I know is a simple name
Everything has changed
All I know is you held the door
You'll be mine and I'll be yours
All I know since yesterday is everything has changed

Come back and tell me why
I'm feeling like I've missed you all this time, oh, oh, oh
And meet me there tonight
And let me know that it's not all in my mind

This is a song off of Taylor Swift's new CD - "RED". It's probably one of my very favorite songs right now. It is not only just a cute song, it just pertains to my life, and it makes me smile.
xoxo,
Shannon

Help! My Foot is in my Mouth, and I Cannot Retrieve It!

Well, friends. I managed to do it again. My wonderful brain and big fat mouth got me deep in the hole this time around. 

Sometimes, I just . . . don't even know. 

I start saying something, and it all comes out WRONG. 

Then I feel like the biggest idiot in the ENTIRE world. 

I just don't get it. 

I have so much more to rant about, but I don't feel like typing it. So, I'm going to go scream into my pillow.

xoxo,

Shannon 

Crying on the Inside

This week has been both good & bad.
I've realized new things about myself,
met some great new friends,
got my car back
got a job
got an internship
started school - a routine,
it's all great. . .
except that I'm sick
and tired
and up to my eyeballs in homework, already.
I'm so stressed and it's ridiculous.
I definitely do NOT like this whole commuting business.

I might seem super happy on the outside,
but i'm really internally crying.
give me a hug
i could really use it.

Internship

It's finally here!
Tomorrow morning I have my very first internship interview! AH!
I'm so extremely excited!
But, I need some sleep
So, my friends, goodnight.
please say a prayer for me, I could really use it!

much love,
xoxo,
Shannon

First Day

Uhhhhhhm. 

I'm stressed.

I'm tired.

Yeah.

That's about it.

I have homework up to my eyeballs. . . AFTER ONE STINKING DAY. 

Lord help me! 

So, I must go. . .before my eyeballs get paper cuts. 

Much love,

xoxo, 

Shannon 

STRESS.

Agh.

I get stressed too easily. 

The semester hasn't even started, and I'm already stressed. My back hurts, my hips hurt, my jaw is KILLING me, I'm starting to get sick I think, and I haven't gotten sick since I was super stressed last semester. 

I don't even know what I'm stressed about. . .  well, that's a lie. I'm stressed about grades, and exams, people, maybe life in general? 

Whatever it is, I could seriously use some prayer my wonderful friends. 

THANK YOU! 

This is all for tonight, because my head hurts extremely bad. 

much love,

 xoxo, 

Shannon 

Long Live

I've decided to write. Write how I feel. 

Write what I want to say out loud, but have never had the courage to do so. Write for me.

 I'm going to write, and one day I'm going to change the world. 

First, I'm going to start with a song. It's called Long Live by Taylor Swift. The original lyrics can be found on azlyrics.com but, I've somewhat paraphrased here... to show the conjunction between my life and whom Taylor wrote this song for.

----------------------------------------------------------------

I said remember this moment, in the back of my mind

The time I stood with shaking hands

The crowds in stands went wild

I became a Queen

As they read off my name

The night you danced like you knew my life

Would never be the same

I held my head like a hero

On a history book page

This is the end of a decade

But the start of an age

Long Live the walls we crashed through

How the kingdom lights shined just for me and you

I was screaming long live all the magic we made

And bring on all the pretenders

One day we will be remembered

I said remember this feeling

I passed the pictures around

Of all the years that I stood there

On the side-lines wishing for right now

We are the Kings and the Queens

I traded my baseball cap for a crown

When they gave me my trophy 

And I held it up for my town

And the cynics were outraged

Screaming this is absurd

Cause for a moment a little girl 

In ripped up jeans got to rule the world

Long Live the walls we crashed through

How the kingdom lights shined just for me and you

I was screaming long live all the magic we made

And bring on all the pretenders

I'm not afraid

Long live all the mountains we moved

I had the time of my life fighting dragons with you

I was screaming long live the look on your face

And bring on all the pretenders

One day we will be remembered

Hold on to spinning around

Confetti falls to the ground

May these memories break my fall

Will you take a moment, promise me this

That you'll stand by me forever

But if god forbid fate should step in

And force us into a goodbye

If you have children some day

When they point to the pictures

Please tell them my name

Tell them how the crowds went wild

Tell them how I hope they shine

Long Live the walls we crashed through

I had the time of my life with you

Long, long live the walls we crashed through

How the kingdom lights shined just for me and you

I was screaming long live all the magic we made

And bring on all the pretenders

I'm not afraid

Singing, long live all the mountains we moved

I had the time of my life fighting dragons with you

I was screaming long live the look on your face

And bring on all the pretenders

One day we will be remembered 

-----------------------------------------------------

Now, you may be wondering why this song in particular intrigued me to divulge into the writing scene, why I’m pouring my thoughts into this. . . Some of which I myself don't even want to know. :] Well, first off go here [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3cZRmyR3r0k] and listen to the song, while reading my version of the lyrics. If you have done this, maybe you can see the parallel I have drawn here. The parallel that, I want my life to mean something. that I want you to know that my life means so much and that it needs to live long. Life can be unfair so often, but it's really not all that bad. You can't always have a great day, once in a while you have to have a bad day to stay balanced, right? What if all days were great? How mundane would that be? Always having a great day. I think that would be rather draining and you'd get sick of it quite fast. So instead of thinking how much you hate having bad days, think of it as a refresher. A refresher from being so happy. A refresher from being "GREAT!" And learning that life ain't perfect, darlin'. you're going to have days where you feel fat in your favorite jeans, or like your whole face has erupted into one ginormous zit, your parents don't agree with your decisions, or get mad at you for [what you think is] the stupidest things. You're going to have days where you'll feel like a horrible person, like the whole world rests on your shoulders, where you want to scream in someone's face, where you just want to lay in bed crying into your favorite teddy bear. But all those things lead up to a perfect ending. Knowing that Jesus is always on your side, that He'll always have your back and He'll always have His hand on your life even on those 'off' days. Why? Because my God is a great God, and He loves you, and he wants you to long live. So next time your five year old sister wakes you up at 6:45 and you just want to strangle her for being so freaking happy at that ungodly time, realize that God gave her that smile, and you should smile too! Smile because when you start the day out with a smile it makes the WHOLE DAY so much better. It not only makes you a happy person, but it makes everyone else in your house want to be around you more.

---------------------------------------------------------------

I said remember this moment, in the back of my mind

The time I stood with shaking hands

The crowds in stands went wild

I became Queen

As they read off my name

The night you danced like you knew my life

Would never be the same

I held my head like a hero

On a history book page

This is the end of a decade

But the start of an age

------------------------------------------

I love this first verse. It REALLY relates to my life right now, because I'm moving to a new age in my life and it's a bit daunting at times I must admit. But you know, I will NOT be afraid. Why? Because I will long live and Jesus does NOT give me a spirit of fear, but of love and of joy and of a sound mind! So I'm going to dance while I have the chance, laugh while I still have a voice and live with God on my side, cause he's my hero and with Him I can shine and long live! Even if " the cynics are outraged... screaming this is absurd, cause for a moment a little girl in ripped up jeans got to rule the world."


 You may also be wondering why I left some of the "we's" in the song. Those would stand for my family and friends who have never left my side, and have always been here for me no matter the situation. I believe that one day I'll be remembered. Not for what I looked like, but rather the change I brought to the world. The change I brought to the world through Jesus. Sometimes I feel like I bring nothing, but I know that's a lie. I know that I'm here for a purpose, that God has put me on this earth to do something mighty. I may not know what yet, but I know that one day I'll be remembered for it, and one day it'll be long live Shannon.

You may be thinking by now that this is a tad bit weird... well yes, it is a tad bit weird. But that's okay. I'm weird, and I'm proud of it. Because I know that I want to long live and change the world, and I hope you'll come on this journey with me. I hope that you'll understand why I'm happy, and why I want to long live.

Oh, always remember to 

hold on to spinning around

as the confetti falls to the ground

and let your memories break your fall.

may you long live. 

long live for Jesus.

long live for you. 

much love,
xoxo,
Shannon

Fresh Start

Yesterday and today I had orientation at UW - Whitewater.
It was okay... I mean, kind of redundant since I've already been through this whole process, but fun! I also got my books - yay!! I love books, I am honestly super excited for this semester!
Tomorrow I start training at work! Yippeeee! Then I'm gonna hit those books.

Unfortunately I have nothing important to say today.

Much love,
Xoxo,
Shannon

The Simple Things in Life

Do you ever feel like you're going too fast, trying too hard, or being pressured? I've been feeling that quite a bit in the past couple of weeks.

I feel as though everything that's said to be 'simple', is not. It's complex. I mean, I enjoy complex things to an extent, but why must everything contain such a complexity when it's not really needed in the least bit.
Personally, I prefer to write letters over emails, to talk face to face rather than text, Skype or IM. I mean, these things are great, especially when you're far away from someone you love.
How about the need to obtain perfection? I'm flawed in this area as well! I enjoy when things are nice and neat... But when kids are playing or having fun, does every toy need to be picked up as perfect? Does every pillow have to be put up? Kids need discipline, not perfection. Correction, not harshness, SIMPLE love would suffice.

I Challenge you to enjoy something simple. Write someone you care about a real letter. Sit down and drink a cup of tea. Watch the neighbor kids play, or bring them some chalk and play with them. Life wasn't meant to be taken so seriously, kick your shoes off and roll up your sleeves! Stop trying to obtain perfection. ENJOY the SIMPLE THINGS.

Much love,
Xoxo,
Shannon

I Don't Have a Clue

Exactly as the title clearly states, I don't have a clue.
I'm too tired to think tonight.
But I thought you, my beloved readers and followers, would want to hear something.
I need to go sleep, on a pillow. But, before that happens I urge you to listen to the song Redeemer by Big Daddy Weave - It's completely wonderful. Let the words penetrate you.

Trust me, you'll love it.

much love,
xoxo,
Shannon

One.More.Week.

Today marks the day of one last week of summer. One last week to do something fun, exciting, invigorating, adventurous.  . . Until I realize that I'm not that much fun. HA! My plans for this last week have included up to this point: 

baking 5 dozen cookies & decorating them.

a picnic, which ended up being in the rain.

learning how to make a gluten free lemon bar.

& Bible study - LOVE!

Tomorrow I am going to meet with Fusion down by the lake for Twilight Jazz & a picnic! I'm super pumped about that! 

Then, the rest of the week will be finishing up projects & getting school things ready. 

I have orientation at Whitewater on Thursday & Friday.

Saturday I'm taking family pictures for my sister and her family. 

Sunday is Church.

Monday is my last day of summer. I'm thinking I'm going to go to the beach and lay there for 8 hours and read a really good book for the majority of the time. It sounds fantabulous! :) But, that may change. Maybe, I'll get together with some friends for the last time of the summer? Who knows. I'm just going to live this last week UUUUUUPPPPP.

Other than these super wonderful plans of nothing, I'm completely free! 

I will admit, I'm kind of excited because I get to plan things, and use my post it notes more. YIPPPEEE! Warning: school tends to make me even more of a structured freak. You gotta love it! 

Well, 'tis all folks. 

Much love,

xoxo, 

Shannon